PRE-ORDERING HER AT ALL COSTS. NOTHING SHORT OF A TOTAL ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE WILL STOP ME FROM GETTING HER

ASDFADAFADFDSFDSF

As per title. I haven’t had so much fun since my Form 5 Graduation Trip, and god it feels so good to unwind once in a while.

The Buffet Breakfast was awesome, the Halloween party was even more awesome, the Black Label was beyond awesome, and the Water World was way beyond awesome. I’m gonna miss Malacca bombing a lot. And the whip-lashing water slides too xD

Overall it was a most satisfactory trip, very much worth all the hassle we had to go through to get here (like the costumes and the shortage of transportation). I’d love to attend next year’s event if they give us the same privileges as this year’s >:3

Damnit, I’m starting to miss A’Famosa already ;_;

Thanks to the 3 day break, I no longer have any will or motivation to study for my final paper. It’s what happens when you put an object in steady momentum to rest – now that it’s at rest, it’s hard to get it moving again.

I don’t feel like studying at all. Wish I could just die in my sleep or something.

P/S: I just realized how much of a hypocrite and a coward I am. Sigh.

I’ve always liked the song Karenai Hana, the ED theme from Full Metal Panic. It was one of the first Japanese songs I’d ever listened to, and even till today it remains one of my favorite songs ever (up there with Okkusenman and Garnet). The artist behind this song, Shimokawa Mikuni, is also one of my favorite singers and I have loved every single one of her songs to date.

A few days ago, I was randomly surfing the net while attempting to studying, and somehow I had the idea of searching for Shimokawa’s newest albums/singles. After a few minutes of Nipponsei, Tokyo Toshokan and Mediafire searching, I managed to download her Self Cover album 9 Que, which contains remixed versions of her own tracks.

When I first opened the album, my eyes bulged at track #4: Karenai Hana. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been a single remix of this song ever, and needless to say my interest was piqued.

You can download it here:
Karenai Hana ~9 Que~

I must say that it falters in comparison to the original’s powerful tempo. It’s much softer and slower, and just lacks that ‘punch’ that totally sold me out back in the original. This is not to say that it’s bad, though – it’s actually pretty good, but I still prefer the original version.

Other tracks in the CD include Sore ga Ai Desho (another personal favorite), Tomorrow and Alone. Lemme know if you’re interested and I’ll link you up :3

I’ve known you ever since 2005, and we’ve been pretty much inseparable. Even though all things gradually come to an end, it’s still sad for me to see you go.

You will be dearly missed.

Sayonara…

R.I.P
2006 – 2009

Hi there. If you’re reading this post, I hope you’ve noticed the new site layout and banner. There are a multitude of reasons for this change, which I will address shortly, but I hope you can bear with me for a while as I explain what triggered the change in the first place.

It all started this afternoon, after randomly browsing blogs belonging to people I know.

Cleaning the Slates is one of the best blog entries that I have read in a while, and is what really got me thinking in the first place. What were my life’s principles? Did I even have any? If I did, did I manage to stick to them till now? If I didn’t, how long would I carry on like this?

Hello, Old Friend! struck an even deeper chord within me. After being forced into confronting my life’s principles, now I wondered how long would I keep running away. Would I have the determination to face them now, or would I keep evading them and pretend they never existed?

Untitled brought back many sweet memories, but it also further cemented the fact that I had been running away so far, and that I too had my own dreams and ambitions in the past. Dreams which were long forgotten, ambitions which have long been casted away. Seeing my friend leave for UK to pursue his dream made me wonder, how long would I keep wandering around aimlessly, without a goal in life?

In short, I had hit a BSoD.

But now I’ve decided that enough is enough. It’s time to stop rebooting the PC and face this BSoD problem once and for all. But first, I’ll have to understand what a BSoD is. And for that, I’ll have to finally confront them – my inner demons.

1- Being in a State of Delusion

For the longest time ever I’ve been telling myself that time’s always aplenty, that there’s always time to do it tomorrow. I think it started all the way back in Alpha 3rd Sem, where I began skipping classes more often and not paying much attention at all. Things have been going worse lately; I don’t think I’ve attended more than 6 hours of my BHM lecture, and the exam’s due Tuesday. I’ve always told myself that I can manage to study last-minute but now I realise how much oblivious I was. Which brings me to the next point…

2-Being in a State of Degeneration

In Alpha, I got 2 Dean Lists.
In Beta, my highest GPA was 3.6. I almost fell below 3.0 last sem.
1 sem into Gamma, and I’m at risk of failing my Electromagnetic Theory already.

At the beginning of every sem, I’ve told myself that I would really put my effort towards doing well but I guess it was more of an empty promise. I’ve been neglecting everything – my studies, my attendance, my club, my part-time job, my shitty blog. Even my English is starting to deteriorate as I struggle to form even the most basic of sentences, never mind trying to make them sound interesting.

3- Being in a State of Denial

Even with my impending exams and huge red attendance warnings staring me in my face, I was just too much in denial to accept it. I held strong to the belief that a last-minute cram would be sufficient, but as evident by my declining CGPA, that obviously wasn’t true. However, I have always turned a blind eye to it. That is, until now.

4- Being in a State of Disillusion

I’ve never given much attention to the club until recently, I admit. It was a position suddenly thrust upon me; a plane that abruptly transported me to unfamiliar territory. I won’t deny that I had dreamed to take over the club presidency, but never in my wildest dreams had I envisioned myself taking it so early, not when I was still a freshling and didn’t know nuts about proper administration.

My initial post, the Vice President, was more than I could have asked for and I was actually thrilled to hold such a position. I would have a year to learn the ropes, and take a more involved role in the club’s management compared to my Alpha year, where I was just a normal member. That is why when I was suddenly made the president, I was lost, not knowing what to do.

I won’t mince words – I fucked up the club badly last year. Members died down before the start of the 3rd sem, events were scarce and pretty much non-existant, and I caused a PR disaster with EMiNA Cyber that almost severed connections between the two clubs apart.

I thought long and hard before deciding to take presidency again this year. Part of the reason I took it was to try and “save” what was left of EMiNA’s ruined shambles. I didn’t want to just dump the mess I made to someone else to clean up. I guess the other part was due to pride. I didn’t want to be remembered as the guy who fucked up EMiNA (though it may already be too late for that). At least, not before trying to salvage whatever was left.

Then came the forum flamewars, and Amber’s subsequent withdrawal from the club. That, coupled with suggestions that I step down from my post (from all sides, not only just the people I got into a flamewar with) really made me question my decision to continue taking the helm. There was also -believe it or not- the question of respect. Call me stupid, oversensitive, emo or whatever, but being called a “Puppet” really stung. I’ve been called useless, retarded, a dictator, weak, irresponsible, incompetent throughout my 1 year as president; those never really bothered me (or perhaps they did, but I was in a state of denial) but somehow, being called a “Puppet” (and from a fellow committee too) really hurt.

Ironically, it was EMiNA Cyber’s power struggle that convinced me to go on. Compared to the shit the Cyber president has to take, my troubles seemed so small and insignificant that I could picture them doing a facepalm if they found out.

In the end, I continued taking the presidency anyway, and thankfully (?) things have been much better this year, pardon me for saying so myself. At least, compared to the trainwreck that was EMiNA 2008/2009, this year feels much better.

And WTF long wall of text is long.

tl;dr – Nothing of importance above, just one of my rants. You can skip it and go on without missing much.

5- Being in a State of Depression

I guess this pretty much ties in with the point above. I’m not sure when exactly did it start, but I have a feeling it was after the flamewar, for reasons explained above.

The matter was further compounded when my assignment deadlines drew nearer. Already feeling the mounting stress from the whole presidency issue, the presence of assignments made it much worse. Everything exploded that one night where after getting only 3 hours of sleep the night before (and the prospect of a lab report submission the next day) I badly needed some form of relaxation. Unfortunately, my plan backfired and it resulted in a long, drawn-out debate clocking up to almost 4 hours (thankfully I wasn’t the one debating), which made me even more demotivated to finish up my lab report. Subsequent turn of events caused me to finally snap, the details which you can read in Ronin.

Fortunately, with most of my assignments over and done with my life is gradually getting back to normal, all I have to do now is worry about my finals Orz

6- Being in a State of Defiance

Reading the 3 blog posts I listed above finally gave me the inspiration to take charge of my life again, and stop running away from my responsibilities any longer. I have always been highly rebellious, doing the opposite of what was always thought of me (such as ponteng sekolah in broad daylight wearing a prefect’s uniform), and perhaps that defying spirit is what I’m really trying to rediscover all this long. I’m going to be the navigator of my life once again, and this time I’m going to really take charge.

I decided to first give my blog a facelift, as I had ignored the poor thing too long. To illustrate my defiance, I opted to create the banner entirely in Microsoft Paint. Yes, I know fully well Photoshop is superior, and would have cut the time required to at least one third, but I’ve decided to do things my own way. Or maybe I’m just too stubborn and thick-headed for my own good.

7- Being in a State of Determination

Yes, it’s about time I stopped fucking around and take my life seriously. Here’s a list of what I’m going to do. Just treat it as a belated New Year Resolutions or Raya Resolutions =P

1. Ressurect NICEBOAT, it’s dead (done) (Gave it a total makeover)
2. Seriously concentrate on your studies for finals (In progress) (Already deleted Disgaea from my PSP, since it’s fucking addictive and too alluring. Bought a bus ticket back to Melaka to study in the damn library.)
3. Put serious effort in managing the club (In progress) (Already applied for a permanent room, carried out most of the scheduled plans for the club this sem. Gonna start planning stuff for the club after finals)
4. Restructure the club (In progress) (Already had an interview, and selected the potential people. Now to get rid of the undeserving people. Going to be really firm about this)
5. Get my act up and start acting like a professional journalist for once, and not submit articles late again. (In progress)

4 uncompleted, seemingly simple but heavy tasks. Wish me luck.

P/S: Thanks for reading till the end m(_ _)m

P/P/S: The full version of my Heading, in case anyone’s interested. Cleaned and pieced together using MS Paint

I just realized how sorry a state this blog has been in recently, not being updated for 3 months plus. I also realized how much my English has deteriorated, to the point that I can’t even construct simple sentences without being lame. As such, please pardon any grammatical errors and/or fragments you might notice along the way.

Also, a not so gentle disclaimer: This post (as you might have guessed via the suggestive title) contains excessive amounts of emo©, reader discretion is highly advised. If you find such content offensive, please hit the “home” key on your browser or navigate away. You have been warned.

Before you ask, yes I am aware that the last 5 posts of so have been highly emo, and they were months apart to boot. I’ve just been too lazy to blog about the other stuff that’s happened in the last three months (DaiCon, GACC, Merdeka Yamcha almost immediately come to mind), and now that they’ve long passed, I don’t see the need for me to blog about them neither.

So what inspired me to write this post? Let’s just say that assignments might be a pain in the rear, but they do help you in certain ways, like keeping you occupied till 8 in the morning. They also provide plenty of food for thought, and tonnes of excitement if you can get stimulated by circuits and get turned on by numbers like I do.

Anyway, that aside, I have come to a simple realization that managed to elude me for the past 19 years of my life. The answer has been so obvious that it’s a miracle that I failed to notice it till today, even though it’s been staring at me all this while like the way a bunch of old geezers stare at strippers doing a cocktease at your local sleazy bar.

I just realized…

… I don’t have a best friend.

Yes, go ahead and laugh. If I were reading some random person’s rant and discovered that the issue in question was actually just him being emo over not having a best friend, I would laugh cock and call him an idiot for wasting 5 minutes of my life. That is, until the reality of my pathetic situation hits me – that I’m no better off myself.

Back in primary, I had these 6 friends that I still keep in touch occasionally even till now. During secondary school, I met these 6 wacky, fucked-up SOBs who totally spiced up my secondary schooling and made it one of the best moments of my entire life. When I entered MMU and subsequently, PE12, I got to know these awesome guys that made my Alpha year the most cherished year in my Uni life. In fact, I even wrote a (short-lived) fiction about them, though it eventually died down because of my laziness.

Looking back, though, there was never really someone I could call my best friend. Nobody I could really talk to, nobody I could really connect with, nobody I could really count on. It’s pathetic how it took me 19 years to realize that I’ve been actually quite lonely throughout my life.

Now before you ask, yes I could always talk to Amber but there are times where I’d prefer talking to another guy instead. And yes, this does not happen very often, so I’d like to thank you in advance for not suspecting my sexual orientation.

So what does this long emo rant have anything to do with my assignments, or the topic of this post for that matter? I’ll leave it to you to connect the dots – it shouldn’t be too hard.

You know those people who openly declare that they have a best friend, despite getting teased for it?

… I envy those people.

君がくれた勇気は 億千万 億千万

過ぎ去りし季節は ドラマティック

Everyone has their own principle in life. Some choose to life their life to the fullest, some choose to excel in all. Some choose to dedicate their entire lives to a certain matter, while some choose to just live for the sake of living. Some choose to live the way they like, some have their lives pre-planned from birth.

My principle in life is simple: It’s my life. At the end of the day, if I can ask myself “Did I live my life without regrets?” and answer affirmatively, then I’m satisfied. Others may criticize me for my decisions, some might choose to point out the more rationale decision. But in the end, all that matters is that, I’m happy. So long as I can eat well, live well and sleep well, then screw rationale and “what if”s, I’m already content.

Back in 2007, after I got my SPM results, I rejected all scholarship offers in order to enroll into MMU. The reason? To study Nanotechnology. It was the only university in Malaysia offering the course, and the thought of graduating with a degree not every Tom, Dick and Ah Beng had was enticing. I had a huge row with my parents about coming to MMU (“Why waste money when you can study in Singapore for free?”), with them threatening to leave me to die on the streets, but I still persisted and came to MMU on my own. I paid my own rental (for the first few months before they gave in), managed my own living expenses, all the while juggling my own studies and leisurely activities like, gaming and joining random clubs.

Then, everything changed one fateful day, when I met and got to know my Foe-chan. After a few months, I confessed to her and we started going out with each other. Fast forward half a year, and it was time for me to choose my desired major.

I thought a lot about this issue. Sure, it was Nanotechnology that first enticed me to enroll in MMU, but choosing to pursue that course would place me in Cyberjaya – and away from my Foe-chan who was doing Law in Melaka. I was torn between two choice – to pursue the course I really wanted, or be by the side of the one I loved.

I chose to study Robotics in Melaka instead.

My parents blew up after I informed them of my decisions. Some of my friends raised an eyebrow over my choice, as I had previously stated that my main objective of studying in MMU was for its Nanotechnology course. I myself wasn’t sure what made me choose one over the other. I did know one thing, though.

That I never once regretted making that decision, even till today.

I discarded my dreams, my friends and my family for this. Despite that, I was happy.

That was, of course, till she told me that she would be moving to Bricksfield, KL.

To be honest, I don’t blame her. MMU’s Law Degree has been proven to be a fuck up, and anyone would choose to pursue something more realistic than a half-baked course here. Plus, her parents are insisting that she continue studying law and not business (whether they have a clue on what they’re talking about is another issue), and are pretty much threatening to discharge her from MMU if she doesn’t comply. She doesn’t really have a choice.

However, to be blunt, I’m… disappointed. In everything – MMU, her parents, Malaysian’s fucked up CLP nonsense, myself, everything. In short, Fuck the world. I no longer have the will to do anything, aside from sit in a corner and rot. Even buying a new, humorous book (“The Complete Zombie Survival Guide”) and forcing myself to read it doesn’t do anything.

Whenever I think about the choices I’ve made…
Whenever I think about the situations I’ve been in…
Whenever I think about the parallels between my case and hers…

Whenever I think about how she doesn’t have a choice…
Whenever I think about how her parents are being total fuckwads about this…
Whenever I think about how she won’t be greeting me every morning after this…

Whenever I think about how we won’t be able to be in the same German class after all…
Whenever I think about how we won’t be taking JLPT 3 together after all…
Whenever I think about how I won’t have the chance to invite her to the Prom after all…

How can I tell myself, at the end of the day, that I’m truly happy now?

I wanted to originally make another long, theoretical (read: long-winded and full of emo shit) post but TM Nut Screamyx is being Fucking Retarded again and my WordPress Dashboard is loading slower than a mentally challenged 60-year-old trying to spell the word “slow” so I’ll just leave a hotlink to my original post dated almost a year ago.

http://niceboat.wordpress.com/2008/05/30/the-theory-of-limits-and-equilibrium/

I’ll make a full post some time tomorrow or Monday. Gotta rush to KL right now.

Have Fun.